Sometimes when life gives you lemons you have no choice but to stomp on the lemons and then run anyway. That’s exactly what happened to me at this year’s Crim race! I realized shortly after hurting myself last week that any kind of attempt at a PR would be foolish at best and disastrous at worst, so I decided to run with Mom. This is not to say that she runs slowly by any means, but it did take the pressure off. By the morning of the race I was feeling pretty good about my decision. I felt especially good when we started warming up and my leg felt super weird.
Large races like the Crim offer lots of sightseeing opportunities. For us, the collection of Things to Watch actually began on the trip over on Friday night. Jack and I left immediately after our martial arts end-of-summer barbecue (where, unfortunately, I did not win an iPad) and drove to Flint behind a group of four pre-production Ford Focuses in different colors. There was a bit of excitement right before changing freeways because one of them had a mild freakout and almost ran a car off the road.
Approaching downtown Flint at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday also gave us plenty to look at. My parents’ van almost got trapped a parking lot because an idiot old man drove his car into an illegal spot and then strolled away, coffee in hand. We ended up scoring an awesome spot on the outside edge of a lawn turned parking lot, so it worked out. The funny thing about downtown Flint is that it’s not so bad for the duration of the race. Of course, after the pizza and beer runs out everyone gets out of dodge, but in the gentle morning sunlight it almost seems okay.
We had plenty of time to find a bathroom and get to the start line, and so during our leisurely stroll I saw lots of different kinds of people. Some of them were wearing quirky outfits. Unfortunately, I did see Leopard Print Bikini. She is an old woman who runs in a leopard print running outfit designed in “elite runner” fashion: skintight spandex shorts and an ab-revealing top. However, this woman is by no means an elite runner. She is also getting quite old to be wearing the outfit, but I guess it’s her “thing” because apparently she’s been doing it for years and years. When I pointed it out to my parents, they seemed familiar with her presence. “Oh, did you see that woman? She’s always here,” said my Dad. “That’s just nast,” I said. “Yeah, it is nast,” said my Mom, “and it gets worse every year.” Really, it’s like a car wreck. You don’t want to see, but then the image is forever burned into your mind.
Huge races (the 10-mile race has more than 10,000 people in it) also attract a large number of idiots. We got to witness it firsthand when Mom and I went to line up. Although we got in line several minutes before the start, it was so tightly packed that we were in with people who thought they could probably run a 9:30 pace. Even injured I don’t run a 9:30 pace but we couldn’t get any farther ahead in the line. Luckily it was a chip start, so we passed the time dodging the elbows of teenage girls who were blissfully unaware that any other humans might be nearby.
The singing of the national anthem was also quite the spectacle. There is a guy that runs the 10-mile race each year dribbling three basketballs. It’s his gimmick. For some reason he was invited to sing the national anthem at the start of the race this year…and it was another car wreck.This man might have a nice voice, but he was reaching so far to make the national anthem dramatic with little flairs at the end of each line that he messed up the lyrics. Of the national anthem. Note: the national anthem does include the verse: Whose broad stripes and bright stars/ through the perilous fight/ what so proudly we hailed/ at the twilight’s last gleaming. It just doesn’t. I had a lot of trouble bursting out laughing.
When the race actually started we had another leisurely stroll to the start line. I like to make jokes at those moments like, “So, is this pace okay for you?” That’s a funny joke because at last year’s Crim Rachael and I were behind a couple of women who were barely above a jog. At the quarter-mile mark, one said to the other, “Is this a good pace for you?” Might want to wait ’til the one mile at least, ladies.
Eventually we started to run and were immediately trapped the horde of idiots. Maybe that makes me an idiot too, but at least I know how fast I can run. Nothing irritates me more than people who either don’t know their pace and so line up at the 7-minute pace line or who know they will be walking and still line up at the front. The race quickly turned into a giant obstacle course. I was dodging people and “road closed” signs that were on the side of the road—but who needs to move that kind of thing? It’s only going to be a stampede of 10,000 people or so.
The first two miles of the Crim are always ridiculous because of those people. I passed tons of people walking in the first mile. I passed tons of people who couldn’t have maintained a 9:30 pace if their very lives depended on it. Best of all, the course narrows at unexpected places and then winds downtown. Nothing traps people more than going around a corner! Still, I made sure to enjoy the beautiful morning. The temperature was quite perfect and the sun was shining in a lovely way down onto the seething crowd. We saw Jack before we left the downtown part of the course, so that was fun.
The dodging continued for four miles before we finally started to equalize with the runners around us. But since I was not running as fast as I possibly could, I got to see lots of things that I missed last year! I saw the Krispy Kreme people—did you know they hand out entire doughnuts?—and I even saw the frat house passing out all the free beer. Their lawn was crowded with people holding red cups. It’s a pretty entertaining sight until you smell all the stale beer on the road, and then it’s kind of disgusting.
I was having a great time jaunting along. I actually saw the faces of the spectators [EDIT: I left this out earlier, but there are quite a few spectators along most of the race course at the Crim. People come out and sit (and stand) on their front lawns. They set up their own water stands and a lot of them have sprinklers or hoses. It's a really cool community feeling, so being able to see them this time around was awesome!] and noticed the nice trees on the side of the course and after mile four I had a little more room to pass people. And then came the Bradley Hills.
The Bradley Hills are a set of three big-a hills that come smack dab in the middle of the race. They are not the only hills on the course, but they are steep. I remembered something from a recent Runner’s World article (yes! I was actually so calm that I remembered things from articles!) and tried to go up the hill as if I were a gazelle. It worked. Of course, after all the hills were over my legs were wiped, but I looked pretty dang good leaping past all the people who were walking.
Around mile 8 I started to lose my rose-colored classes. My leg hurt and also I was getting pretty tired. “I’m really losing it,” I told Mom. “Well, find it again,” she said. So I did. The last couple miles of the Crim are half in the suburbs and half downtown, and I can never remember where the turnoff onto the bricks is. It came up pretty quickly. The bricks are also Shining-like and seem to last longer than the rest of the race, mainly because I am always afraid that my ankles will give out and I’ll biff it and roll all the way through the finish. Thankfully it didn’t happen.
We spent the next few minutes waiting for my Dad to finish, and we even saw the back of Jack’s shirt as he started running his 8k. I briefly considered jumping in and running with him, but then I remembered that I’d have to run over the Bradley Hills again. Nah. My leg was really bothering me by that point, but I spent the vast majority of the race doing a montage of peaceful running moments, so I couldn’t really complain.
The last ridiculous thing I saw as we waited in the pizza and beer line was a couple dressed up as superheroes. The woman was wearing a Wonder Woman outfit. Those costumes should never be worn unless you have the body of Lynda Carter circa the 1970s, and this woman decidedly did not. I just looked away and thought of happy memories from the race. Sometimes that’s all you can do!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
when i was a little kid, i would spend the night before the crim at my grandparents’ house on nolen drive (mott park neighborhood). i’d wake up really early to drag the hose out to the edge of the driveway, and would stand there all day asking people if they wanted to be spritzed. several of the better memories i have of childhood in flint-town.
I love that you were one of those kid spectators (they are the best) AND that you asked people if they wanted to be sprayed or not! I almost never want to be soaked with water during a race, so I super appreciate it when people ask first.
And, thanks for reminding me about all the spectators. I think the Crim is one of the best races for having a lot of really dedicated community people cheering for you along the way. I totally had to add a line for that!
Thumbs up, buddy! Nice article. I missed this.