This entry is part of What Lies Within: An Entry Blank Series on Intangibles.
I figured I’d kick this series off with something major—go big, or go home, right?—and fear seemed like a good place to start. I don’t know anyone who isn’t afraid of something or for whom absolutely no situations cause them the slightest anxiety. Fear is certainly a spectrum thing, from those slight twinges of nervousness to full-blown panic.
I have dealt with lots of anxieties in my life. Early in college I skipped classes if I arrived late. It was either that, or open the door and walk in in front of everyone—and G only knew how loud the door would squeak or if everyone would look at me. I’m always nervous about parties, and usually—despite my attempts to make the best of the situation—my nervousness generally turns out to be justified. And yes. When I first started running, I was afraid.
At first I was afraid because I thought I might never be ready for my first half marathon. How embarrassing would it be to not finish? What would people think of me? Even now, I have my moments of complete anxiety. This happens when I have a bad run (OMG I can’t get my mile splits below an 8:00, I’m going to be slow, I’m never going to place in my age group again) or when my shin twinges (OMG I have a stress fracture and my leg is going to snap in half and I’ll never be able to run again) or when I trip (OMG I just tripped over the sidewalk I’m about to sprain my ankle and break both my legs and arms and I’ll never be able to run again).
Those worries happen, but one of the things I’ve always been afraid of is Trying New Things. I’ve found, over time, that a lot of my fears stem from my main fear of being embarrassed. I was afraid to be embarrassed if I tried to lift weights at the gym. I was afraid to try an exercise class. What if I did something wrong? What if I made a total fool of myself? What if everyone laughed at me?
It’s true: sometimes we screw up. Sometimes people are cruel and make fun of us. But I can’t help but believe that most of the time, the people around us want us to succeed.
So. The scariest thing I’ve done recently? That’s an easy question: going to martial arts class for the first time.
Oh, I was so nervous. As I mentioned briefly in my first entry about martial arts, going in the door was a major source of fear. What if I entered the building in the wrong way? Would people notice if I didn’t bow? (You’re supposed to bow and say hello when you go in.) Would I be able to say hello? I feel my nervousness in my face (you know, aside from the cold feeling in my chest and gut) and wonder if anyone will notice that my eyes are sunken in and my cheeks are too red. I did not want to go in that door. But here is something that is also true. As Brendan Francis said:
Many of our fears are tissue-paper thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.
After that one monumental step through the door of the studio, I’d at least made it inside. I was still scared, though. And one other thing I’ve learned about being afraid is that there are some situations in which admitting your fear can actually help you a lot. I went up to the sign-in desk and told the woman there that it was my first class and I was really, really nervous. She didn’t laugh at me, or scoff. She told me that everyone was nervous at their first class. I probably told three people after that that I was nervous, and all of them said the same thing. Then it didn’t seem so bad. The fact that I was nervous was no longer a burden.
I think it’s often the case that people don’t start a new fitness routine or adventure because they are afraid. And if you’re one of those people, I say, just go for it.
This is not to say that there aren’t situations that your fear should be carefully noted: if one of your friends asks you to go running near a steep cliff and you have unsteady legs, it’s okay to listen to your fears and decline. Learning to overcome fears does not mean adopting a foolish attitude toward safety; in fact, I think fear for safety is a pretty good guideline. If running in the dark in the woods scares you, it’s probably a sign that running in the woods in the dark is a bad idea. Obviously, there are things in life that we are afraid of for a reason—don’t ignore those things. Or ignore them at your own peril, and all that jazz.
But next time you hold back from trying a new workout class or sport, take a minute and think about why. Most of the time when I do this, the answer turns out to be that I am afraid of not being perfect and then being embarrassed. And that shouldn’t hold me back. It shouldn’t hold anyone back. So, if you’re nervous or afraid, I think there are lots of ways to deal with it.
- Find a buddy. Everything’s easier when you’re with a friend, and you shouldn’t be friends with people who frequently laugh at you. They should laugh with you, right?
- Admit it. I’m always surprised at how many people are willing to extend a welcoming hand when you admit that you are a newcomer and you are nervous.
- Go early and be prepared. Before you start a new fitness routine or class, go and visit beforehand. Meet the instructor. If you decide to sign up, arrive a few minutes early to ask about technique. I did that before my first spin class and it made a world of difference.
Keep in mind that admitting your fear shouldn’t turn into whining and wasting time. “Admit it” is only good solution if you intend to continue. Follow-through is key. If you’re afraid to try and run faster in a race, dispense with the nagging fears that keep you from trying. Will your legs hurt? Probably. Will you get winded? Probably. Will you fail? Maybe. But the crazy thing is that you might not.
The main thing is that most anxieties about trying something new or pushing yourself further can be handled and used. Take your nervous energy and channel it into a brand-new focus on entering that new class with pride or running a new PR no matter what. There’s a whole world out there of really cool stuff to do.
Finally, if you fail, get back up and try again. The most impressive thing is that you had the courage to start.
I have accepted fear as a part of lif—specifically, the fear of change…I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. -Erica Jong